Day Two: Lack of Enthusiasm Creeps....

Oh man. I have done nothing today. To be fair to myself, I didn't necessarily have any set goals for myself either. To set myself straight, though - I should have had some set goals. Although - I AM on summer break for another week and a half. But that sort of thinking is what gets me in trouble all the time. (And now those of you who read this can see for yourself my circular thought patterns that always lead me to the same place, paralyzing me with inaction. Bugger.)

I've been sitting around all day, playing internet games, watching dvds, and feeling like a failure. Of course, the irony is that I am the only one who can make myself stop wasting my time and get some things done. But I just seem to lack the enthusiasm today.

As I was wandering around the house this afternoon, I was also wondering if I'm right in my belief that I work better at night. Maybe I actually work better in the morning, but I don't know that because I never get up early enough. Perhaps I should get up in the morning one day and really try it.

The first thing I need to do, though, I think (and Jacquie, in her comment on the previous entry, reminded me of this), is to get some type of schedule together (it's on my to do list at the right --> actually). I always cast my mind back to my first semester in my history masters (at that time master of teaching before I transfered over the next semester) degree. I did not procrastinate then. At least, if I did, it was only a little and only some of the time. I attribute it to two things: the Weekly Assignment List and the fact that I simply did not have time to procrastinate, since I was taking five classes and teaching one - and I'd never taught before, so I had no clue what I was doing and took preparation VERY seriously. I always - always - wrote all my appointments and deadlines in a planner. And it seemed to work really well for me. Aside from the fact that some of the classes were really boring and that I seem to remember doing a research paper in the couple of days before it was due (my specialty) - although I think that was more out of necessity than anything else - I think it was my best semester in terms of keeping up with everything I had to do and had going on.

I've tried variations of the Weekly Assignment List since then. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I have a feeling that one of the reasons it worked so well then is that it was the ONLY thing that was keeping me afloat. Somehow, I have to find a balance again. I don't really want to be that busy again, but I don't seem to know how to deal with free time in a way that it doesn't start sucking up my working time. This is one of the drawbacks of being an academic and a college teacher who sets almost all her own hours and works at home. I have a hard time drawing the lines between working and playing - and this is a hard enough time for procrastinators anyway. So how do I solve this?

It's not only a time thing either. I use my home study for working and for play - the same computer for both too. So neither my space nor time is delineated by anything or anyone but me. It's a problem I don't really know how to solve, but I think I need to try to find a way to solve it mentally rather than physically. Thus we are back to the schedule.

I'm going to work on it. And as I develop the schedule, I am going to try to figure out when my best time of day for working is, too. I've always thought it's mid-afternoon to evening, but I'm not so certain anymore. I'm going to try some new things out to see how they work.